I just found a couple of poems I wrote while I was seeing the last guy I was seeing. I guess they are dedicated to him.
Untitled #1
I don’t want roses,
or shiny boxes of candy,
or cute fuzzy animals,
nights out at elegant restaurants.
I don’t want you to dress up
hold the door for me
pay the bill for me
order music for me
even sing to me
(though you know that you can’t).
All I want
is the look in your beautiful eyes
which says, without any pretense
or aplomb, or dramatic clichés:
“Baby, I love you, and I’m here to stay”,
as you’re clad in a hoodie and slacks
in the cheap dingy diner
two blocks down from our door,
with the splendid inelegance
of unkempt morning grumpiness.
If I had that, I’d laugh till I drop
at The Knight, neatly hugged
by his shining, superfluous armor.
Untitled #2
It’s not that hard
to love me –
I promise you, I do;
I will annoy you, drive you mad
and you will waste
many a gorgeous plate
in my direction.
But at the end,
when we collect our shards
after the stormy outburst,
it’s really not that hard
to love me.
It is true –
I may sometimes lose track
of where your light is;
it is true –
I may sometimes go ‘stray.
But at the end,
when I sweep out my ego
and come back to my home
(which is your heart),
you’ll see, again, and not to much surprise
it’s really not that hard
to love me.
For I love
without a complex contract;
for I love
without you fearing
I may change my mind –
tomorrow, or next week, or through the rain…
All I need, all I want,
is just the same naïve, imprudent,
pure, uncalculating, honest,
sometimes boyishly uncouth,
sometimes frighteningly deep,
often sharper than a knife
(and yet smoother than black velvet)
Love. You have. For me.
‘Cause anyway, it’s all we get
and all of worth to have.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Alienation
Warning: I tend to philosophize from time to time and this is one of those times. Proceed at your own risk.
I have been noticing something for quite a while now, something I felt when I first came to the US, something that, although in a different guise, I have felt since I moved to Seattle. There really isn't in my head a coherent, easy to grasp explanation I can give of what that thing is. I will give it my best shot, as much as my verbal proficiency allows.
I have always felt that people here (in the US) are so lonely. I would be walking in the streets and I'd catch someone's eyes - what I would almost always see, or at least interpret from what I see, is this strange mixture of an acute desire to communicate, to feel close; and on the other hand a fear to approach the other person, a fear of the other that runs very deep. In most of those cases the brief eye encounter leaves me with a sense of sadness, a sense that the person whose eyes I've caught is lost, disoriented, that they need a hand.
The reason I'm writing about this is because I've experienced the feeling many times, almost daily. It is to the point I try to avoid looking at people, because I want to avoid the painfully demanding stare which seems to scream "smile at me, give a sign that you're willing to communicate with me". I see so many people who seem so starved of affection, of real communication as opposed to an exchange of platitudes. At the same time, it seems harder and harder to break people's walls and get to the person inside - even when we're together, we're often really by ourselves, we are in a comfort zone described by the distance we keep from others.
This is why I'm also sometimes worried about the future, about a time when natural resources will run thin (oil, water) and that will create strife between people - as movies often depict, when humanity is faced with adversity, instead of growing closer it grows further apart, and people lose their humanity altogether. I've thought long and hard what could be done to change this, what I could do to change this. I consciously try to be the kind of person people would not feel afraid to approach, the kind of person who actually cares about others and wants to be their friend. Work is one of the places where I see a lot of people who make small, uncertain, fearful steps when it comes to interacting with others, and I consider it a good training ground for developing the qualities I need to be that kind of person.
What's your take on this - have you noticed it? Is it as tangible for you as it is for me? I sometimes wonder if I'm simply imagining things.
I have been noticing something for quite a while now, something I felt when I first came to the US, something that, although in a different guise, I have felt since I moved to Seattle. There really isn't in my head a coherent, easy to grasp explanation I can give of what that thing is. I will give it my best shot, as much as my verbal proficiency allows.
I have always felt that people here (in the US) are so lonely. I would be walking in the streets and I'd catch someone's eyes - what I would almost always see, or at least interpret from what I see, is this strange mixture of an acute desire to communicate, to feel close; and on the other hand a fear to approach the other person, a fear of the other that runs very deep. In most of those cases the brief eye encounter leaves me with a sense of sadness, a sense that the person whose eyes I've caught is lost, disoriented, that they need a hand.
The reason I'm writing about this is because I've experienced the feeling many times, almost daily. It is to the point I try to avoid looking at people, because I want to avoid the painfully demanding stare which seems to scream "smile at me, give a sign that you're willing to communicate with me". I see so many people who seem so starved of affection, of real communication as opposed to an exchange of platitudes. At the same time, it seems harder and harder to break people's walls and get to the person inside - even when we're together, we're often really by ourselves, we are in a comfort zone described by the distance we keep from others.
This is why I'm also sometimes worried about the future, about a time when natural resources will run thin (oil, water) and that will create strife between people - as movies often depict, when humanity is faced with adversity, instead of growing closer it grows further apart, and people lose their humanity altogether. I've thought long and hard what could be done to change this, what I could do to change this. I consciously try to be the kind of person people would not feel afraid to approach, the kind of person who actually cares about others and wants to be their friend. Work is one of the places where I see a lot of people who make small, uncertain, fearful steps when it comes to interacting with others, and I consider it a good training ground for developing the qualities I need to be that kind of person.
What's your take on this - have you noticed it? Is it as tangible for you as it is for me? I sometimes wonder if I'm simply imagining things.
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