There are things that happen to people early in there lives. However, there are those of us who have waited for the same things for a long, long time, and somehow we have wanted it to be special, to be memorable, to evoke warmth when you go back to it in your mind.
Everybody remembers their first kiss.
My first kiss was not actually with a guy. It was with a girl, a good friend, at a frat party. My first kiss with a guy was also at a frat party. But it wasn't special, or beautiful. The party was lame, and the guy was far from my idea of attractiveness (which is a statement only about my ideas of beauty). I let him kiss me not because of him, but because of the expectation that as a person of a certain age I should have gone through it. I guess I was also curious and impatient. And of course, none of this rationalization was happening in my head then. I was just like, "oh well, what the heck".
The hours after that and before I eventually convinced myself to sleep, I had a feeling of dumbness and emptiness. I couldn't stop thinking - "this is not how it was supposed to happen". I know many people won't understand this and will say "what's the big fuckin' deal, it's just a kiss". To which I would answer - yes, but you probably didn't wait 10 years for yours.
So, ladies and gentlemen, now I'm in a juncture where my rational skills can't take me past a certain point of understanding. So I'm asking you - does it have to be special? Am I simply not getting the meaning of things?
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