Gay X

Ha, well I've been wanting to update this, but I haven't really had much time lately. So today I thought - what better opportunity than right after my last lecture for the term? :)

So this is something I've wanted to write about for a while, and I have talked about it with people to compare opinions. By gay X I mean gay {culture, life, society, pride, etc.}. Over time I have become somewhat suspicious of these concepts, because they don't really represent my intuition about things.

Let's take such terms like gay culture and gay community. Granted, they are very broad and there are probably variations. But still, I find the idea of a separate gay culture and a separate gay community somewhat displeasing. I don't want there to be separate venues for gays and straight people - I think it is a marker of social segregation that there are gay clubs vs. straight clubs, gay beaches that are separate from other beaches, gay-only organizations, etc. I dream of a society where meeting someone new, or the significant other, has the same casual nature for gays as for straight people - you don't necessarily have to go to a particular place where you know others are straight; you don't have to wear particular distinctive clothing/accessories or talk and act a particular distinctive way. Granted, there are stereotypes in the ways men approach women and the other way around. But you see my point (I hope).

To summarize, I want to think of one community and a unified culture. This same concern, in my mind, is applicable to terms such as "black" community and "black" culture - while I know there are many people who believe that these should be thought of as distinct and separate, I know quite a few people of both races who think that color is not a defining characteristic of an individual, and that a lot of the perceived differences are artificially emphasized and perpetuated. That's not to say that being of a certain race is not related to other distinctive qualities one might have - I'm just saying that I don't believe the latter are a natural consequence of the former. Same for being gay - attraction to the same sex doesn't have to mean more than that, even though it is usually understood as implying a lot more than the sexual preference. Granted, the way I think and view the world is different from the common straight male stereotype in Western culture. But that's not because I like other men, but because I prefer not to associate myself with certain societal expectations, for example that I need to hide my emotions and not be openly affectionate.

Again, don't get me wrong - I'm not blind: I know we are not the same and we have, sometimes substantial, differences. But that doesn't mean that we cannot participate in society together, and treat the idea of "community" as a coherent whole and not merely a set of smaller, disjoint communities. I also know that the world we live in is not perfect and there are, in fact, divides in society. There still is, in fact, prejudice towards gays and black people, as recent hate crimes (which btw escape the media eye) have proved. But I feel as if the seclusion of gays to their own "community" and "culture" serve to push the end of this vicious practice even further ahead in the future, if not making it impossible.

A similar argument holds for gay pride. To me, if I were to go to gay pride, then I also need to go to green-eyed-people pride, brown-haired-people pride, average-height-people pride, etc. The reaction of most people to these last few "prides" will be laughter, because, "obviously", so what if you have green eyes? But somehow it's also "obvious" that another biological characteristic - i.e. sexuality, deserves a different treatment. I don't think of myself being gay as anything more than myself being white, green-eyed, brown-haired, and of average height. I feel normal being gay. Am I just misguided?

I know this is becoming my staple phrase, but still - don't get me wrong. I am 22, male, and usually horny as hell, so I would still go to a gay club or a gay beach knowing I can get what I want without feeling threatened about something. But I'm not doing it because I like it, but because I'm given little other choice (excluding the internet). Let me finish by just saying that, I would be still be happy if the man I meet is sometimes socially awkward, sometimes sloppy in his clothing or shaving practices, sometimes boyishly dumb, has no clue how to fix hair or put makeup on (all of these being true of the writer as well), just a good ole man who happens to like me and I happen to like him. And, oh, we met over beer in a nearby bar (I know, all romantic undertones are gone now :)).